Dr. Who?

Let's talk about how goggling your doctor while waiting in their waiting room is a bad idea. Not to say you shouldn't look into who is treating you, but doing so 30 minutes before you go into to see the person who will determine the treatment plan for a life threatening disease, could put you a little on edge if the reviews are not good, right? So what did I do? Google of course, had me and Corey, well first I had Corey but he was taking too long, so I was like, "What is taking u so long, what did u find?" as he "looked" like he was concentrating on looking . . , "you found something bad didn't you?" His response, "Well you can never be sure if it's real,  everyone has their own opinions . . ," He is so sweet . . , AND that just made me whip out my own phone and fiercely start hitting the keys. The rating for this doctor popped up, it was a 3.9/5, Ummm not bad right? Well depends if you are asking the patient or the loved one sitting with the patient. Fuck! These reviews are all over the place, people either love her and praise her for saving their life or they are crucifying her as the Ice Queen with a God complex! WTF is that?! "Corey this isn't good!" I am panicked now sitting in my chair, all the while wondering why this doctor is 45min behind schedule. Corey says, "You never should have read that until later." Well it was too late now, I'm now even questioning if I picked the right treatment centre, I mean it's not the top in the city is it? I should have looked at, Princess Margaret or even Sunny Brook, what was I thinking?!

So needless to say when they called my name I was more than a little on edge. Let's call her Dr.X, (of course if the reviews turn out true ya'll will know her name), anyway Dr. X started asking me a bunch of questions,  all of which I was sure were already on file, and or at minimum on that two page new patient form they had me fill out, but I answered them of course and tried to remain calm. I was at least calm enough to remind Corey to be on that covert ops tip, recording the whole session on his phone, incase I forgot anything, (and more importantly just incase she turned out to be crazy).

 She proceeded to walk me though the proposed treatment plans, which even if I had the time to explain it, it would take me forever, it is clinical. To help you out check out the picture above, she was kind enough to write it out for me, LOL! Clear, right?

No joke, she was very thorough and she took the time to explain each step. Short version? EVERYTHING IS ABOUT TO CHANGE FOR ME . . . and some of the biggest questions I had got answered:

Q 1: Is the tumor growing? What stage am I at? Because the surgeon said between 2-3

"Yeah . . . he said somewhere between 2-3 because it's not stage 1 because we know your lymph nodes are involved and not stage 4 because it hasn't spread to anywhere else in your body, but we really have no way to really know for sure until we do surgery which won't be for a few months and after the chemo."  YIKES!

Q 2: When do I have to start treatment?  "Right away" FUCK!

Q 3: But what if I want to freeze my eggs?

"Right after we will start that and move on that, like yesterday."  Can't get more straighter then that!

Q 4: Will I loose my hair? "Yes."

Y'all know I'm gonna have a few things to write about this one right? You telling me you taking the black woman's crown? Have you seen my cool do? Hmmmm, no likey.

Q 5: How long will I have to do chemo?" 16 weeks, followed by surgery and radiation and more medication for at least 1 year

. . . F!

So there it is, we know what is next medically. However, physically, emotionally and mentally is a whole other conversation.

I know you are all wondering, so is this doctor the cold hearted bitch 3 people claimed in their reviews? Hmmmm,  I could see how she could be perceived as a bit harsh, but I found her very clear and direct. I mean she has been dealing with cancer patients for the last 19 years, sugar coating shit ain't helping nobody! The Ice Queen did say, "You are in the right place Monique, the cancer hasn't appeared to spread and you came in as soon as you knew, given all the test results come back clear, which I am confident they will, this is curable, and you can call at anytime and ask me anything you want."  This was much appreciated, so maybe not so Ice Queen?

As I'm writing this I get interrupted by the hospital calling looking to book my appointment for Cardio Ecco- basically an ultrasound on my heart.  There is a small risk, that one of the medications they want to put me one, has the potential to weaken my heart. NOW THEY WANT TO MESS WITH MT HEART??! WTF?

Let me tackle that another time...